“I tried to erase myself from life”

“I tried to erase myself from life”

Isabelle Carré has always talked about her mental health without taboo. (Photo by Sylvain Lefevre/Getty Images)

More and more personalities believe that it is their duty to put their celebrity to the benefit of the good cause, in particular by evoking the question of mental health. This is particularly the case of Isabelle Carré. Author and actress, invited this Wednesday, June 8, 2022 of the contest “If we read aloud” on France 5, she has several times mentioned the suicide attempt made during her adolescence.

By Isabelle Carré, we know the novel “Les Rêveurs”, great success of the year 2018. But also her many roles in cinema, television and theater, which notably enabled her to win the César for best actress. for her role in “Remembering beautiful things”, as well as the Molière award for the actress twice for “Mademoiselle Else” (1999) and for “L’Hiver sous la table” (2004). But the actress and author is also known for her outspokenness, especially when it comes to the ordeals she went through during her youth and which marked her life forever.

A teenage suicide attempt

It is a love of youth that made Isabelle Carré want to end it, during her young years. “The most decisive reason for trying to erase me from life was a heartache”, she confided in 2020 to the antenna of Europe 1. This pain was the last straw for the teenager who was already going through a difficult period, disappointed not to shine in her passion for dance: “I dreamed of being a dancer, but I was not gifted. So I struggled in the back row with very strict teachers. This renouncing classical dance, which was really a passion, was my first heartbreak. And the second was a boy. I realized that he was going out with me because of a bet and not at all because he loved me.” A violent realization which then breaks his heart, and nearly broke his life.

After trying to end her life, the future actress is placed in the psychiatric ward of the Necker-Enfants Malades hospital, which she describes as “a fairly dark place”, but which allowed her to become aware of the value of life. In particular thanks to a revelation for the profession of actress. “I saw for the first time, in a very small TV of one of the patients, Romy Schneider in the film A woman at her window. She had a line that said ‘prefer the risks of life to the false certainties of dead’.” A sentence that marked her, which she made a talisman to protect herself. “I wanted to replay these sentences, but how? By enrolling in a theater course”, she specified on the air before concluding: “Art is much more than a way of having fun.”

The power of words

Words can save lives, Isabelle Carré is certain of this, and she mentioned it again on the air of France Inter in 2022, touched by the song by Stromae in which he declares: “I sometimes had suicidal thoughts; And I’m not proud of them; Sometimes we think it’s the only way to shut them up; These thoughts that make us live through hell; These thoughts that make me live through hell.” “Me, as Stromae said recently on television, that he was thinking of ending it, I thought of ending it. What would have happened if, in this department of the Necker hospital, I didn’t hadn’t come across this sentence, said by Romy Schneider, on a small television? (…) This sentence woke me up.

Video. Stromae opens up about his mental health with new single “L’Enfer”

Better: she has traced a brighter path for her: “I believe that there are words that can save us, as I believe that there are representations that can not only save us an evening, but save us whole.” Her acting profession is in a way her lifeline, she explained to the JDD. Her job as an author also: “I am a pressure cooker without the possibility of expressing myself through the words of others. I have always been there, but I have always been hidden. I lived in the lives of others . They gave me permission to express myself. The Dreamers finally allow me to express myself in my own words.”

She wants to talk about mental health

Even today, Isabelle Carré does not hide her wounds and her flaws. On the contrary: she talks about it to show others that they are not alone. In the columns of Psychologies, she recently mentioned the impact of the theater on her emotional state: “Right now, at the theater, I have to cry hot tears every night. Believe me, it’s more tiring than a role funny! I come out of it exhausted… but happy, relieved. Because I gave free rein to this magma of emotions that I carry within me. I think that it is much more exhausting, in the long term, never to express his emotions, to drag them under the rug every day like so many time bombs.”

The actress claims the right to show her fragility: “It seems to me that our society suffers a lot from the injunction to ensure permanently, to be solid, master of his emotions. A person who would arrive in the morning at the office crying, That would certainly hurt her! And yet, would that be so bad? Wouldn’t that then allow her to be more available for her work and more serene with others?” And to conclude: “Obviously, when you are asked to do several takes while bursting into tears, it is emotionally demanding, it may seem crazy. But I think even crazier and more using to keep everything in itself.

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